Secret Agent 009

When most kids my age were playing cowboys and Indians, I was playing spies and counteragents. I was so good I could hide in plain sight .When I graduated from college with a BA in criminal procedures and a minor in karate, I was approached by the OSS near the end of World War II. They wanted me to go behind the Iron Curtain, get recruited by the KGB and become a double agent. After doing several jobs to convince them of my abilities, they ordered me to the United States to join the newly formed CIA and report back to them on a regular basis. This I did and was awarded a nice medal and a brand new ZIV limousine when I got back to Russia. I was able to “out” several Russian agents without give the KGB a clue that I had done it.

One of the cases I was on involved Mossad’s quest for Carlos the Jackal and I pinned him down after extensive research found out the Carlos was a sucker for a Big Mac. We went to a McDonalds in Jerusalem and I slipped a slow acting drug in his and the Mossad captured him with no problem.

Sometimes, it is difficult to remember which of the quadruple agencies I was working with at the time. I decided to offer my services to the British MI 5 and was given the name Robert Bond and give a license to kill as Agent 009. I had a long talk with “M” about my duties and he sent me to see “Q” who had disguised himself as Dame Judy Dench which I thought was very clever. “Q” gave me access and instructions to several weapons I would have at my disposal. Using Stealth technology, I was shown a heavy armored invisible car. Also, a taser with a telescope that had a 100 yard (90 meter) range with no wires.

I was sent back to the U. S. to meet with Agent 008 who had been a mole working with the California Department of Transportation where we secretly met with Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to try and prevent him from totally screwing up California’s economy. We had to invoke the fact that he still had relatives in Germany, to make him back down and listen to reason. He signed the bill the next day. We were disguised as reporters and were there to make sure it was signed. I was always good at disguises as you can see in the attached photo.

I had several other clandestine jobs to perform before retirement. I wanted to get back to England and marry Miss Moneypenny who always winked at me as I left “M” ‘s office. By the time our children are old enough, the secret agent numbers would probably be up to 15 or 20.